Sunday, October 4, 2009

Somebody said marriage is like cable with one channel...

Some convince themselves
That vampire like
They can fight aging
By engaging younger
And younger prey?

Prey it is…
Determining that one
Can endlessly pluck
The tender fruit
From the garden of life.

Objectifying others
Denying them and self
The need to engage and unify.

And nest and rest
After surveying the life
Lived in earnest.

It is work,
It is struggle,
It is a fight to love.
It ain’t for punks…

Remembering your lovers touch
Both were young
And unlined by life
And trauma
And age

Recognizing the imperfections
OF weight and change
Ultimately not caring

Skin memory says
Those lips still
Are pleasure
Those hands…KNOW

There is still
passion to be lived
Explored, experienced.

Trust opens doors unknown
To those crack heads
Who try to capture
And retain the high
Of first infatuation
and lust...

Time will not be halted
It comes and blows over us
Until we are but dust.

The life survey will happen
May it not be empty
Filled with the chase
Of a high that
cannot be maintained

Sunday, June 21, 2009

GANGBANG


The pale pink champagne Cadillac pulled into the Emery Road McDonalds parking lot. Melie and I stopped when we heard our names shouted from the window. We knew the car and it was filled with our classmates, football players.

I was perpetually “talking” to the owner, Junior.
We went on dates but were never dating. We spent time together but were never girlfriend and boyfriend. He knew that I was a good girl. He was not a good boy. But he treated me respectfully. Meaning he didn’t ask for what was not freely given. Junior would make sure I wasn’t late for curfew. After he dropped me off he would go pick up someone who could stay out later and who was a little more generous with the panties. I was under no misconceptions, to be his girlfriend was to share. The title was unnecessary.

Melie and I felt comfortable around our fellow Tigers. After all we were the high stepping, dancing, kicking, butt swinging, pom-pon flinging half-time show for every one of their games. We were still wearing our blue and gold uniforms, sweater-skirt-majorette boots with matching jackets. So we stopped when we heard familiar voices calling our names. The boys exited the car. Melie stood talking to one of the guys. The other guys spread out not far from the car, catcalling to other girls and classmates. I and my sometimes paramour began our familiar dance. Speaking with no content, but we were teenagers and it was exciting.

Before Melie and I knew what was happening we were being tossed into the car. I was thrown across laps in the back where a wayward hand found its way up my skirt. I swatted it away from my posterior. Quickly sitting up and rearranging my short skirt I settled into the seat next to the right rear window. Melie was in the front in the middle. It was fun and flattering at first. There was an air of frivolity and humor. I was a bit jealous that Melie was sitting by my sometimes escort.

We pulled off quickly. Then silence settled in the car. I stared out into the dark street wondering what now. This was the early 80’s. Nathan McCall hadn’t yet published “Make Me Wanna Holler” which explained the gangbang set up. One guy plays crazy, one guy plays nice, and everybody else waits for an opportunity. The crazy guy is meant to strike fear. He will do "anything." The nice guy tries to bring calm and "logic" in to the situation. If he can convince the girl, or girls, to agree to sexing at least one guy crazy guy will be satisfied. Of course the others make sure they are primed and ready to hop on after guy one is finished. So it’s not really rape right? A mere technicality to the hormones, lust, and group think peer pressure in such situations.

We didn’t know any of this then. All we knew was that somebody suggested we drive behind a dark plaza across from Randall Park Mall. I had a clear view of Junior in the review mirror. I could see him biting his lip. Apparently deep in thought and when he looked up, periodically catching my eye, I stared at him with a steady unblinking gaze.

We refused to give into whatever they had planned. We said enough take us back. Melie and I showed no visible signs of fear or upset. We lived up to our reputations of “strong Black women” in training. But we were afraid. There were half jokes half threats, from the boys.

We were lost in our own thoughts of self preservation. I considered jumping out of the moving car. Quickly rejecting the idea, I continued to stare out of the window. The evenly placed streetlights briefly illuminated the cars shadowy interior and conflicted passengers.

Mostly we drove around in silence with Junior stealing peeks into the rearview and nervously biting his lip, saying nothing. I was afraid and pissed. Pissed that someone I liked could allow me to be in such a situation and pissed that he was a part of the same situation.

After driving around for what seemed like hours, in nervous expectation, fear, and uncertainty we found our way back into the McDonalds parking lot. We left the car with no fanfare. Away from the old airplane like pink champagne colored Cadillac we hugged and screamed recognizing that we escaped...virtue intact. We melted into the after game crowd and never mentioned the night again.

Monday, March 23, 2009

REMINDED

Attraction, infatuation, desire
My love, your love, beloved
Soul mate, your mate, my mate, we mate

Baby, babies, children, teens
Mommy, Mommy, Mommy
I need, I want, Can I have

Coffee from your hand
Brown eyes lock on green…

Broken glass, broken toys, spilled milk
Rush, lunches made, meals eaten

Lips brush neck, dishes washed
Quick fondles…

Interrupted plans, restructured plans
Jobs gained, overtime, jobs lost,
Moving, new state, new beginnings

Kisses that ignite deep wells of passion
Grown deeper through the years…

Frustrated screams, escalated arguments, questions?

Whispered declarations of love
Hands still firmly held…

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

THE BEST INTENTIONS

The nature of God is a mystery to the finite human mind. However, something about humans makes them want to control and restrict others. Of course rules are necessary to coexist peacefully with others. Sanctions against killing another, stealing, or protecting the most innocent and vulnerable members of society are examples of this need.
The need to peer into the bedrooms of others, crush the creativity of artists, writers, musicians, subjugating the thoughts, and behavior of others is not part of necessity. It is never more insidious than when these regulations are born of ignorance, fear, or the simple desire to control.
Historically there has been a lack of understanding in general and failure to recognize that culture of origin figures prominently in how Christianity is practiced.
In U.S. culture, for example, breasts are considered private parts that need to be kept covered. I recognize that my culture has its basis in Judeo-Christian beliefs practiced and interpreted by Europeans, who are historically from colder climates.
If I was ignorant of this fact would it be prudent or rational to take this belief about breasts to a society of tropical residents who have no taboos about breasts? Breasts there are displayed in all their youthful height or aged droopiness with the natives of the area thinking nothing of it. It would be foreigners, with the admirable intention of spreading the Good News, who would be plagued with shame and embarrassment (or even excitement).
At that point we would try to justify our fear Biblically, Genesis where God himself clothed Adam and Eve after the fall. But did it say whose chest was covered or if a chest was covered at all? No it does not. That little fact would not really be a problem because we understand that these underdeveloped people would be OK if they were just more like us, the first world.
Something about religion in general makes people check their rational mind at the door. This leads to Fundamentalism. Fundamentalism is dangerous it doesn’t matter the religion. It leads to the oppression of other humans. It has lead to acid in the face of the powerless woman who caused her husband, father, brother to feel shamed or dishonored any offense real or imagined. It leads to suicide bombers. It leads to murders at abortion clinics. It leads to cults and cultish behavior. Bottom line Fundamentalism is mans attempt at improving the rules of God. It is guilt and fear that zaps you of your choice.
Anything that requires reason or even facts to be ignored is suspect. We are rational beings for a reason. God is big enough to handle our questions.

Monday, March 9, 2009

RELIGIOUSITY

The definition of Christian is a follower of Christ. Christ was in constant battles with the religious leaders of the Jewish community, the Pharisees. The rules surrounding the Jewish faith had moved directly away from the rules given to Moses from God. And became more about man made traditions, rules, and regulations. Jesus clearly taught against that. "Now you Pharisees cleanse the outside of the cup and of the dish, but inside you are full of greed and wickedness. You fools! Did not he who made the outside make the inside also?" (Luke 37:39-40).

Time and time again he spoke of being concerned with your own behavior.

How can you point out the errors or sins of another when your inside is dirty? Now that being the case why is it that our Christian denominations are concerned about restrictions and traditions than the true things of God? It has been said that if Jesus himself walked into any given church on Sunday his followers would shun him. He made it a point to reach out to the unloved and unlovely. On those he had compassion.

We who profess to be his followers are so pious and serious and hell bent on appearing right in the eyes of each other we miss the mark. We are like those who Christ said not to imitate. Those who have long rambling prayers and make a big show of what they are "doing" for God. Our concern is more about the correct behavior, the correct usuage of Christian-ease, the correct clothing - woe to those who stray away from what is proper in your circles!!! Please don't have a bit of fashion sense!

Do we love our neighbors? Are we modeling our life after those we look up to? Or are we modeling our life after the the perfect one?

Those who seem to have it all together most assuredly do not. The pious and self righteous will let you down. Preachers who use them self as an example could have hell in their home. Politicians who target organized crimes could be visiting prostitutes. Politicians who are virulently against gay marriage could in fact be tapping foot in an airport bathroom, seeking a quick same sex liason.

Do not look to the creation as an example. Seek what is true. Love your neighbor as yourself, with the recognition that your neighbor may not resemble you. If we are our brothers keepers we will all be the better for it.

Saturday, March 7, 2009

Reality

Time old healer of wounds
Light that reveals error
Of dreams and fantasy

Maturity bends and reshapes
Life that exists on a foundation
Shaped during immaturity

Love is not fluttery gossamer wings that tickle
At the thought... smell... image
Nor the ears that bend
In anticipation of the sound
Made by feeting moving towards you

It is the motivation that keeps trying
It is the eyes that cry
And the mind that questions

Life is the youth that quickly passes
In false knowledge and confusion
Middle age of dissatisfaction, re-evaluation, and work
Elder age of clarity, time ticking down, and counting out...

Friday, March 6, 2009

Tired of the division

As if our country didn't have enough things dividing us, the issue of liberal vs conservative is threatening to tear us apart. Democrats are branded as atheistic, tree hugging, supporters of baby killing. And Republicans are scathingly classified as narrow minded Bible thumpers.
I resent both characterizations. No group is 100% correct. No group carries the banner of God or is intimately connected with His will. We have a hard enough time figuring out our own thoughts. There are intelligent educated people on both sides and there are ignorant followers of the party line on both sides.
And then you have special cases like Rush Limbaugh who confuses his position as an entertainer with relevance. He is the self appointed voice of conservatives. He demanded the apology from the new chairman of the RNC, Michael Steele, and got it. All Steele did was point out the fact that Limbaugh is nothing more than a talking head. I am sure Steele believed it was the prudent thing to do in order to prevent further alienating party members who believe that Limbaugh is their voice. Members who no doubt resent him as their representative. First Obama now this? What a blow to them.
The reality is that nobody should follow any group without question. The U.S. cannot afford to be divided by political groups. Vilifying either group because they hold positions you don't agree with is just silly. So change has come. We all can jump on board and do our part. Or those who are unhappy can suck their teeth waiting for failure. But never mistake the fact that a failure for the President will result in failure for us ALL.