The sky is gray and dreary. Heavy laden clouds shift shapes as they meander slowly across the sky. The breeze whips my hair around my head. And my loose clothing billows around my body. Aside from the wind everything is still. Even the street below is strangely quiet devoid of traffic, foot or motorized.
A baby sits on a field of grass. Wondering wordlessly at the expanse. A hand grabs for the verdant blades. Once successful the hand tries unsuccessfully to stick the cool things in her mouth. Despite knowing nothing of hands nor mouths.
I am a daydreaming teen. Organizing a fantastic life filled with pouty faced magazine covers and runways. The twins fame and fortune are mine. Exotic travels, a peacock array of equally exotic men, penthouses, limos, champagne wishes and caviar dreams is how I roll.
There once was a sense of adventure. Let's ride this out to see how it all ends. It has to be better. Master of my own destiny and all that. Do the work and it all falls into place. The world is my oyster... yeah.
Then every slight, every disappointment, every failure is clear and fresh as if it were a new occurrence. The strength of memories cause my knees to buckle. I struggle to maintain my balance.
I question was it worth it? The loneliness? The lack? No joy? No contentment? Insensible to time passing or the temperature dropping I turn these questions over and over in my mind. I evaluate each thought and memory as it takes shape. I take my time. I want to answer honestly. WAS IT WORTH IT?
Once again I take long deep breaths to calm my nerves. Inhale. E x h a l e. I N H A L E. E x h a l e. Then I take the final step over the rail and off the building. My pure virgin white clothing floats gently like a full body parachute. Briefly I am peacefully flying. Until the wind picks up speed and gravity pulls me into her embrace.